The Worst Writing Advice from the Worst Poet Ever – NaPoWriMo #4

I know I said I’d be password-protecting all my poems, but this one needs to be accessible to the troll it was written for. Please let people write without diminishing their self-worth: you don’t have to like everything you read, but you should treat all people as human beings.

“There will be a pound of flesh taken with each critique I give,
whether you want my opinion or not:
you are scum, scantily worth the atoms that make you,
and that’s not even my thoughts on your work,
that’s just the sour state that I live in,
nothing so thrilling as seeing you sulk, like I always do.

“As to your writing: I’ll judge it without reading it,
how could it be any good when it comes from you,
you miscreant, misanthrope, no-good-nick, jive turkey,
you are shitting on the page, unlike I,
Pristine paragraphs that wank poetic on passive passages,
thoughts that don’t belong to me – I heard a story once and liked it, think I’ll make it an original work.

“And your arguments, well, they’re laughable,
you think it’s laudable to write consistently and constantly?
It should be perfect from the get-go,
if you can’t muster it right the first time, stop writing,
we have no room for you here with the masters:
Shakespeare, Frost, Whitman, Ginsberg, myself,
if you can’t meet those standards get out of the room.”

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One response to “The Worst Writing Advice from the Worst Poet Ever – NaPoWriMo #4

  1. i think the troll wasn’t informed that encouragement is a thing. enjoyed reading this.

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