Pesakh Moon

It is the first night of Pesakh
and a full moon angles itself into the eastern window, rising,
promising to peer in for Eliyahu
when we open the door to invite him in,
as I am leading a Seder for two
quickly, the story of the Exodus is too much to bear,
I should be rejoicing my own freedom from bondage but there is nothing to celebrate today,
the chains are still dangling limply from my wrists,
as the first generation, I am a slave in my mind still,
How many generations must pass before my own yetziyat Mitrayim takes hold in my soul?

There is a promise of an eclipse tonight,
the earth passing in between the moon and the sun, shadowing the glowing face I cannot help but liken to my lost lover, and like the arev rahv I am wondering:
“Were there no graves in Egypt that we must die here in the Wilderness?”

I am faithless, the heretical son,
I am mouthing Hebrew and Aramaic and it makes no impression,
I am cut off, as the Talmud says, from my people,
Many times over, my transgressions are paramount both to man and God:

Eternal One, I have poured out my wrath unjustly,
I have cast my chains on another,
Turned her river to blood,
Rained frogs to croak choruses to drive her to insanity,
Infested her heart with insects,
Unleashed a beast upon her,
Passed a pestilence on her pasture,
and laid welts to her flesh,
Hailstones of hatred reigned on her mind,
and unkind locusts swarmed on her fields of mirth,
I plunged her into this thick darkness she stews in,
I have killed her first born love –

I and not a fiery angel,
I and not a ministering angel,
I and certainly not You;
With a loud voice and an outstretched arm,
I did unto her harm.

Because I was hurt,
because I am questioning my worth;
I am wicked and should not have been brought out of Egypt.


One response to “Pesakh Moon

  1. Oh. This is so painful. And so beautifully done. May you find healing, and she, peace.

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