mem(or)y

if i didnt hate myself
so much
maybe i would stop
punishing myself
with the memory
of you
sighing

as my cock
slid
inside you.

if i didnt hate myself
so much
maybe i wouldnt
seem to
force myself
to remember
that you
longed for others
and always got
what you wanted
from them
and me
until i
walked away.

if i hated myself
as much as i claim
i would have stayed
left you my corpse
in your bed
my blood
on your hands
like yours
ended up on my cock
despite the steps you took
to keep it
off me.

or maybe
if i hated myself
as much as i claim
i would have
stayed and
endured
the disservices
incommensurate equality
sat and took
the disrespect i deserve
that i still
subject myself to
every
time
you
call.

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